What is Betrayal Trauma and How Can You Heal From It?

Betrayal trauma occurs when someone you depend on deviates from your expectations of them in a hurtful way

One of the most difficult traumas one can experience is betrayal. This occurs when emotional distress and pain happen after trust is violated by a loved one, institution, or intimate partner. In many cases, it occurs concurrently with gaslighting. It can also lead to those suffering from the trauma also struggling with depression and anxiety. In this article, we will review the four types of betrayal trauma, betrayal trauma theory, and how to heal from this difficult experience.

Types of betrayal wounds in betrayal trauma

Betrayal wounds occur when someone you depend on deviates from your expectations of them in a hurtful way. This commonly results in a breach in a relationship contract, whether spoken or unspoken. Four of the main types of betrayal trauma include betrayal wounds such as intimate partner, institutional, interpersonal, and parental trauma.

Intimate partner

This can occur if your partner or spouse is having, or has had a physical or emotional affair, if your partner has a sexual addiction, or if your partner views pornography.

Institutional

If an institution negatively impacts you due to its actions, including its mottos and goals, which are in contradiction to its portrayal. This could include healthcare systems, the military, jobs, educational institutions, etc.

Interpersonal

This happens when a trusted peer, friend, or family member (other than a parent) betrays your trust. For example, if you tell a friend a secret or something you weren’t ready to share, they go and tell others before you have a chance.

Parental

This happens when your parent betrays your trust. This usually happens when a parent or guardian fails to protect you from harm or is the abuser.

Healing from betrayal trauma

When trying to cope, sometimes survivors of a trauma will block out harmful or painful information to focus on their basic survival and attachment needs. This may mean justification of the person’s actions, self-blame, or other ineffective strategies.

Fortunately, there are ways to heal from betrayal trauma. While talking to a therapist may be best for some, the options below can be a great tool or used in addition to talking to a professional.

Share your story

Sometimes, talking things out does more good than you may realize. Be vulnerable and talk to a trusted source, such as a family member or friend, about your experiences. This can help magnify the healing process and set you up for success. Journaling can be a great resource if you’re not ready to talk about your experience. This is a great way to help release emotions and provide perspective and clarity.

Some people may experience moments of crisis following a betrayal. Contacting your local crisis line, using the text crisis line (i.e., Text HOME to 741741), or calling the national hotline 9-8-8 are all excellent ways to seek help if you are in crisis. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or have a plan to act, visit your local hospital or emergency room.

Take care of yourself

When you take care of your physical health, you can create a foundation for a healthy mind. It also helps affirm that you’re worth making the effort for. Examples include eating well-balanced meals, drinking plenty of water, getting adequate sleep, and exercising such as running, biking, swimming, or walking. You can also invite a friend to participate with you for extra support. You can also talk with your partner and set boundaries with them, either to reinforce or reestablish the relationship contract.

Do things you enjoy

In addition to taking care of yourself physically, it’s important to practice self-care. While self-care for some may include pampering yourself, such as getting a massage or getting your nails done, self-care can also include organizing your space or cleaning. You can also practice reflexology or visit a chiropractor. Many find that this helps not only in the moment but also improves long-term mental and physical health.

Try calming exercises

Activities and mindful exercises, including yoga, pilates, tai chi, or martial arts, can help deepen the connection with the body and calm the nervous system. This can help aid in overall relaxation and be a great add-on to other healing methods.

Betrayal Trauma Therapy Near Me

You’ve tried these strategies, and yet you still feel broken. You wish that time could be reverted and you could go back to how things were, before the betrayal, before the trauma. Now everything feels taken away—the trust, your dreams, and your hopes. You’re withdrawing from time with friends, co-workers, and family. Perhaps you’ve had thoughts like, “If they truly knew what was going on, what would they think of me?” “Maybe its just better for me to hold this.”

But that hasn’t worked either. Come to therapy, where you can feel heard, understood, and safe. Come and share your challenges, fears, and hurts. Come for change.

If you or someone you know is struggling with betrayal trauma, trauma therapy with Dr. Bradford Stucki, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist can help. Come work with me.