Emotions of a Man Going Through Divorce
Nothing about divorce is straightforward, so maybe this post shouldn’t be either. In the following passage, I discuss the emotions of men going through divorce. I emphasize certain words for easy recognition, but the point is to see that those words have deeper meanings and effects.
Note: This is not an exhaustive list of emotions, and it doesn’t have all the emotions of one man. As I’ve learned in many years of practice (and hundreds of Reddit comments from divorced men), some men will feel a wider range of emotions; others will feel less. However, on average, this is what the inside of a man going through a tough separation feels like.
The Feeling of A Divorce In Words
It starts in the chest, a tightness that won’t leave.
He wakes up to emptiness—not just the space beside him in bed but the hollow echo in his chest where certainty in the form of a partner used to live.
The confusion comes in waves—during morning coffee, at red lights, in grocery store aisles where he used to know exactly what to buy.
Now, he second-guesses even the smallest decisions.
Anger bubbles up at strange moments. It’s not always directed at the woman; sometimes, it’s at the universe, at timing, at himself.
The guilt follows close behind. There are a lot of “what ifs” and “if onlys.” Worrying about his role in the split brings insomnia. He is still working hard, but now, sleep is working twice as hard to be absent.
There’s the unexpected relief that shows up between moments of grief—brief windows where the pressure lifts and he can breathe again.
But then shame creeps in for feeling that relief, and the cycle resets.
Loneliness takes on new forms. It’s not about being alone; it’s about feeling untethered. Fear masks itself as restlessness—cleaning at midnight, answering work emails at 3 AM, anything to keep moving.
The numbness comes as a surprise, days when he feels nothing at all and worries that maybe that’s worse than feeling everything.
But there’s also hope, appearing in unexpected moments like sunlight through clouds or landing a new contract. It mingles with sadness, creating something new—not quite acceptance, not quite peace, but something like strength.
And underneath it all runs a constant current of uncertainty, teaching him that maybe not knowing what comes next is part of finding his way forward.
Sometimes, the exhaustion of feeling so much becomes overwhelming. The body is in a heightened state of stress, and the brain is processing a decillion emotions.
Did you note the emotions you’ve personally experienced? Is there more that I missed?
These emotions don’t follow a map. They overlap, circle back, and surprise him when he least expects them. Some days, they’re all there at once; other days, just one or two demand his full attention.
This is the landscape of divorce—as unique as the marriage that came before it and as complex as the heart trying to navigate it.
Therapist salt lake city
Emotions don’t care much for who’s objectively at fault. They surface when things happen, and without guidance, it is easy to be gobbled up in the intensity of each and all of them — unless you have help.
Talk therapy and EMDR therapy are established ways that help by teaching divorced men how to ride these waves of emotions better rather than looking for ways to avoid them.
If you are recently divorced or still processing the emotions from an old separation, contact me here to schedule an appointment.
