Long distance marriage
Due to employment or personal obligations, couples may decide that they need to have a long-distance marriage. For some people, this decision is called “living apart together,” or LAT, is when both partners maintain homes in separate places, but are still married. In these situations, couples may have chosen to marry later in life, when they already have established careers or professional obligations. Couples in this situation may have to be more creative, as well as intentional with their shared interests and activities together, such as video dinners or watching the same movie together while on the phone or video chat, or even doing couples counseling over telehealth or online platforms. Some challenges that may arise for these couples include emotional, in addition to the physical distance, feeling unsupported, betrayal/infidelity, or feelings of being unloved or abandoned. Long distance married couples in this situation may, however, may experience benefits such as being more present when they are with one another, due to their distance.
A long-distance marriage can also refer to spouses or partners where one member of the couple is in the military and is deployed. Deployment can create a wide variety of thoughts and feelings and is dependent upon several factors. Some of these factors include: a deployment being expected or not, the location, the job responsibilities, the level of information that can be disclosed, as well as the experiences the deployed partner has during their deployment.
While not comprehensive, some challenges that may arise for these couples (without children) may include feelings of being abandoned for the non-deployed partner, feeling out-of-control or stuck, detached or distant during the deployment, communication limitations, post-deployment transitions/transition back to civilian life, or post-deployment trauma.
In comparison, benefits for these couples may include opportunities to grow close as a family, increased appreciation or gratitude for the deployed partner as well as other military personnel, increased productivity or focus on responsibilities, increased focus on personal needs or wants for the non-deployed partner or snuggling with pets in the bed.
In situations where children are present, non-deployed partners may experience benefits such as regular income, experiencing different cultures and places, and the potential for increased resilience. Non-deployed partners with children may also experience challenges including, but not limited to children with acting out behaviors, uncertainty, increased stress, a wide range of emotions, post-deployment transitions/transition back to civilian life, or post-deployment trauma. Reunifications between partners, children, and other family members can also have a range of emotions—from sadness, grief, and loss, to surprise, joy, or even distance or ambivalence.
Long distance marriage counseling
Contrary to popular belief, marriage counseling doesn’t have to have the couple in the same location. Rather, long distance marriage counseling is possible due to the more widespread availability of online counseling. If you are at home and your partner is at work, no problem—provided you are working with a therapist who is licensed in the state, or states, you and your partner are in, then marriage counseling can occur.
Living separate during marriage counseling
Not everyone who attends marriage, or couples, counseling still live together. A part of this is due to the commonly interchangeable phrasing of couples and marriage counseling. Although they are the same, couples may be in different stages of their relationship when they come to counseling. For example, they may be engaged, but not yet living together. They may be separated, but still married, or they may be living in separate places, but still together, as referenced in the section above. Commonly though, when this is the case, a temporary separation (less than a month) or complete separation has occurred, for various reasons.
While living together is not required for couples counseling, it can be helpful for couples to be in the same space together. Exceptions to this are in cases of abuse, violence, or unsafe behaviors or circumstances. When couples are in the same space together, they have more opportunities to interact and work on their relationship, compared to when they are apart. While couples who are separate during marriage counseling can still benefit from treatment, progression may take longer, by nature of individuals of the couple being able to retreat to their own space, rather than be in the same space and work it out.
Couples counseling Sugarland TX
Whether you are living apart, together, or long distance, couples counseling can benefit your relationship. Don’t buy into the myth that couples don’t need couples counseling until they are about to get divorced. Rather, come early and often so that your relationship can grow and thrive and not get stuck in harmful cycles for years. If you are in a relationship in Sugarland TX, or any other part of Texas and think your relationship could improve, schedule a free consultation below and let’s see how we can enhance your shared relationship.
