Control Fallacies: Internal Control and the Need to “Fix” Everything

The experience of anxiety is an increasingly common one in the modern world. The demands placed on individuals today are far different than they were just a few generations ago, and as a result, anxiety has become something that many people have to face. Sometimes, anxiety means feeling restless or worried, and sometimes it can even mean physical symptoms such as an accelerated heartbeat and fast breathing. Whatever the case, it’s important for all people to have tools and treatments available to deal successfully with this condition.

Things You Can and Can’t Control

One of the issues that commonly pops up with anxiety is an overwhelming urge to “fix” everything. One of the sources of this is a belief that “If I can control everything around me, I will be okay.” Unfortunately, this faulty belief is linked with having a “internal control fallacy,” where you believe that you have more control over a situation than you think you do. What tends to happen with this fallacy is that individuals tend to believe they are to blame (personalization, another fallacy) for everything that happens—moods people have, situations that don’t pan out, or events that don’t happen. For example, someone may say, “Why aren’t you happy? Don’t you like what I did for you?” or “That work project didn’t pan out like it should have. I really ought to have gotten involved sooner.”

What tends to end up happening is that someone with this belief system tends to feel chronic unhappiness, regularly invalidated, frequently resentful, and consistently anxious. These feelings may lead the person to another fallacy – the external control fallacy, where they end up believing that everything in their life is because of someone else, and they are powerless to change it. In a world that simply can’t be controlled by any one person, these thoughts are upsetting and can amplify the symptoms of anxiety. Let’s take a closer look at this issue and how it might be approached.

Understanding the Compulsion to Fix Things

At the heart of this matter is likely a fear of uncertainty in life. It’s a fact of life on earth that we can’t really know what the future will bring—and so much of that future is entirely out of our control. In an effort to get away from uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, some people attempt to fix everything or take responsibility for everything that is going on in and around their lives.

Predictably, these attempts fall short. Needing to fix everything is an impossible objective and one that will only lead to frustration and disappointment, often for both the fixer and the person suspected of needing to be fixed. Ironically, people who seek to fix things as a way to get rid of anxiety usually only end up more anxious as a result of their efforts.

Going in a Different Direction

As appealing as it might feel, seeking to fix everything in life is a strategy that is doomed to failure. So, what can be done instead? There are many ways to approach this problem, but here are a few starting points:

• Focus on self-compassion. When feeling anxious, it’s important to be as nice to yourself as possible. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding that you likely direct toward most other people in your life. This step alone can go a long way toward relaxing your mind and feeling at peace with whatever happens around you.

• Embrace imperfection. There are no perfect people, and this is not a perfect world. You won’t have all the answers for everything that comes up in your life and that’s true for every other person in the world. In many ways, embracing the imperfections of life is freeing and is the opposite of trying to fix every problem.

• Explore mindfulness. The practice of mindfulness has incredible power in its many forms. From deep breathing exercises to meditation and more, building a mindfulness practice as a regular part of daily life can make a big difference.

• Set boundaries. Put down that hammer. Perhaps in your efforts to help or alleviate distress or change the situation, you’ve created some expectations for yourself or others on how much you can help, which may further exacerbate your anxiety. As part of mindfulness, consider what you can step back from. Also, slooooow down. Take a pause before committing to something. Take a breath before you respond to someone. A few extra seconds is okay.

• Getting therapy for anxiety is an important piece of the recovery puzzle. Through professional anxiety therapy, it is possible to get a handle on this condition, understand where it is coming from, and create some strategies to move forward in a positive manner.

Best online therapy for anxiety

Getting help for anxiety is an important first step to creating change in your life. The road might not always be a smooth one, but consistent therapy for anxiety has shown impressive potential to help people get away from their symptoms and live a more enjoyable life.

Reach out today to start on your path to manage your anxiety