Friendly notice:
This blog post isn’t about you (not exactly)—it’s about the people in your life who seek your emotional support.
In our journey through the wildly entertaining and limit-testing carousel that is life, we often experience situations where others need our emotional support—a friend who’s just lost a family member or a partner struggling at work.
How we respond in these situations affects the healing process. Respond the wrong way and you risk emotionally destabilizing someone who needs you.
Two of the most common responses are sympathy and empathy. Many people wonder what the difference is between empathy and sympathy.
Contrary to one or two modern theories on these terms, both are positive. They both require a humane approach—and that can never be a bad thing.
However, one response (empathy) stands out because its positive impact is much bigger and is always seen as sufficiently supportive. The other (sympathy) is good but doesn’t always offer the needed support.
In this piece, we’ll discuss:
- The definitions of empathy and sympathy
- How they differ
- When to use one response above the other
Definition of Sympathy vs Empathy
One look at the two words reveals that empathy and sympathy share the term ‘pathy,’ which is drawn from ‘pathos,’ a Greek noun that means emotion, feeling, and experience.
Despite the vilification of ‘sympathy’ in certain quarters today, the term still means and indicates a show of emotional support.
In the linguistic sense, sympathy is the big brother here. It’s been around for much longer and has always been used to describe ‘ a feeling of sincere concern for someone experiencing something difficult…’
But that definition always felt a little too restrictive.
In the 20th century, scholars in psychology and philosophy wanted another word to describe an advanced kind of sympathy.
They wanted to describe not just sincere concern but the ‘active sharing in the suffering of another’s personal emotional experience.’ The term empathy was born to define exactly that.
That is the difference, really.
Sympathy means you feel bad for someone.
Empathy means you don’t just feel bad; rather, you understand what they’re going through.
Sympathy says, ‘I’m sorry you failed the test.’
Empathy says, ‘After all that effort you put in, it’s quite sad things didn’t work out. I really wanted you to ace the test. I empathize with you.’
Empathy vs Sympathy – which is better?
At some point in history, sympathy was the go-to word for emotional supportive gestures. Thanks to social media and the web, which spread access to information, more people have learned that empathy is the gold standard for showing emotional support.
Now, the zeitgeist seems to be:
If you sympathize, you’re alright, but you can do better. If you empathize, you’re a bastion of emotional awesomeness.
But the truth here is that none of these terms is fundamentally better when it comes to being supportive.
Sometimes, sympathy is the most appropriate response in a scenario. Other times, empathy leads the way.
Yes, sympathy is feeling pity for someone, while empathy is really feeling with someone. Yes, empathy offers more emotional support than sympathy. But no, showing empathy is not ‘better’ than expressing sympathy.
As good as being empathetic sounds (and it’s excellent), one can not afford to empathize in every difficult situation without incurring great mental health costs.
If you actively share in someone’s suffering all the time, you may lose a huge chunk of your capacity to share in your own suffering, causing emotional exhaustion.
Similarly, being sympathetic is ineffective when someone expects you to relate to them rather than be detached. Sympathy can’t be trusted in tough situations. It’s just not good enough.
Empathy vs Sympathy Examples
When to use empathy
When should you break out the big empathy guns? In situations of deep personal pain or loss.
These are moments where you really need to step into someone else’s shoes to offer the required emotional support:
Death of a loved one (pet, child, relative)
When someone is grieving, they need to feel understood and supported.
An empathetic response might be, “I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through. Your love for them was evident, and I know this loss must be unbearable.”
Personal failures or setbacks
When someone faces a significant setback, empathy can help them feel less alone. For example, “I understand how disappointing this must be. You put so much effort into this, and it’s okay to feel frustrated or sad.”
Mental health struggles
Empathy is crucial when someone is dealing with mental health issues. An empathetic response could be, “I hear how challenging these thoughts and feelings are for you. It must be exhausting to deal with this every day.”
Use empathy in these situations. You’ll help the person feel truly heard and understood.
When to use sympathy
While empathy is often the more powerful response, there are situations where a little less power is appropriate—and that’s where sympathy shines:
Minor inconveniences
When someone is dealing with an inconvenience, sympathy can be sufficient.
For instance, “Sorry about your flat tire. That sucks.”
Distant acquaintances’ struggles
If you don’t know someone well, sympathy might be more appropriate than trying to empathize with a situation you’re not familiar with.
When you can’t relate to the experience
If someone is going through something you’ve never experienced and can’t imagine, a sympathetic response might be more genuine than trying to empathize.
Sympathy in these situations acknowledges the person’s struggle and offers emotional support without risking emotional burnout.
Recap
Bringing emotional support to others is important. If the people around you can trust you to be helpful, supportive, and not insensitive in challenging times, then you’re doing many things right.
Empathy and sympathy are ever-helpful tools in this regard.
While empathy is a much more powerful emotional support tool, it’s not always right. Sometimes, a pat on the back does a lot more good than a bear hug.
Knowing when to express one feeling above the other makes you even better at offering emotional support. When in doubt, however, express empathy.
Above all, genuinely show up for those who matter to you — that counts!
When should I seek therapy?
If you find yourself getting caught up by past mistakes, feelings, grievances, or resentments that you’re holding against another person, seeking therapy is a great way to address and resolve these issues. Send me a message by clicking on the below and let’s talk about what you’d like to change in your relationships.
