How to deal with toxic family members

Let’s paint a picture: You are at a family dinner, a gathering meant to be filled with laughter and warmth. But there is tension in the atmosphere, your presence obviously not welcomed, and your opinions disregarded by those who are supposed to be your closest allies. Can this be regarded as just a regular family dinner? Maybe not. Although a little conflict in a family is healthy as long as it remains…little. Persistent tension and lack of affection from your family towards you can indicate more profound issues. Even to the point of toxic family members. Knowing the signs that your family doesn’t care about you is the first step towards addressing the issue, reclaiming your self-worth, and living a happier life.

Signs Your Family Doesn’t Care About You

So, are the occasional fights and tension between you and your family routine, or do you perceive it could be something more?

 

Here are some signs that show if a family feud is a healthy banter between loved ones or stems from a place of hate.

 

1) They rarely check in on you

How often do you call your family members? Once a week? Most importantly, is the effort reciprocated? If your family rarely initiates conversations and ignores your calls, it often indicates a lack of interest in maintaining a relationship.

 

Regular check-ins are a hallmark of caring relationships. Family members who care about your well-being and happiness will be interested in your life. If your family fails to initiate contact with you, this is a glaring sign that they don’t care about you.

2) They are often absent during difficult times

Family support shines during challenges. Before you ask for help, they take proactive steps to offer solutions to your problem. Regardless of the problem, whether health, financial, or emotional, their presence is felt every step of the way.

 

Are your family present during difficult times? If they are not available to weather the storm with you, then chances are, they aren’t concerned about your well-being.

3) They are often dismissive of your thoughts or emotions

Your opinions and feelings won’t be disregarded if you are recognized as an essential part of the family.

 

A caring family will listen and engage when you share your opinions. Chances are that a family that consistently dismisses your feelings and views on certain subjects doesn’t value you and what you have to say.

4) They are overly critical or judgmental

Constructive criticism can lead to positive change, but hostile and harsh judgment is unkind and cruel and may attack one’s person. Maybe it happened when you were young, peering behind the kitchen wall or down the stairs to see your parents fighting. Maybe it’s happening presently, at family gatherings, or maybe it’s regularly over text, where you’re receiving unsolicited advice. 

If your family always picks on your faults and weaknesses without acknowledging your strengths and achievements, this is a sign of a lack of genuine affection toward you.

 

5) There’s been physical or verbal abuse

It’s important to distinguish between healthy family disagreements and a toxic environment. Families argue sometimes, but these arguments should be resolved respectfully. If your family members resort to:

 

• Physical violence: Shoving, hitting, or any other physical aggression is never acceptable.
• Verbal abuse: Constant yelling, insults, put-downs, or threats are signs of a toxic family.
• Manipulation: They use guilt trips, emotional blackmail, or threats to control you.

 

These behaviors are signs of abuse and are not a normal part of family life. 

 

Does anyone care about me: Strategies for Handling a Family With Toxic Family Members

Identifying the signs that your family doesn’t care about you is the first step in the healing process.

 

You must learn how to navigate complicated relationships, improve familial relations, and, most importantly, know when to put your mental health first.

 

1) Communicate your feelings

A harmonious relationship with your family is impossible one hundred percent of the time. There will be conflicts and disagreements.

 

Though your family may genuinely care about you, they may express it in the wrong manner during these tense periods.

 

In these moments, try to express your feelings to your family calmly. You will likely find a middle ground and build a stronger bond.

2) Focus on self-care

You have power over your own emotions, not those of others, and you can take charge of them by prioritizing your emotional and mental well-being.

 

The first step is recognizing and validating your feelings. It’s okay to feel hurt and neglected when your family doesn’t show genuine care.

The next step is to set boundaries to protect your space where necessary. You can choose to limit contact by declining by declining invitations to family gatherings. Or, you can opt not to discuss certain aspects of your life.

 

You can focus on engaging in activities you enjoy and developing yourself. However, no man is an island, so don’t forget to reach out to friends for support who can counteract the negative impact of familial indifference.

 

3) Choose a new family

We often say, ‘Blood is thicker than water’ to justify sticking with a toxic family. But, as I’ve learned recently, this proverb/unwritten rule of life has been altered, and its meaning has been lost in translation.

The proverb originally reads, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Its true meaning is that we can choose our family.

According to research by Michigan State University, friendship is a stronger predictor of health and happiness as we age than family. A strong support system can extend beyond traditional familial bonds.

You can reach out to the friends in your life at both good and bad times. They will celebrate with you, cry with you, and provide the support you need.

 

Therapist in Provo

Family is expected to be the first line of support during tough times, but this is not always true. While being neglected by your family can make you feel lonely and unloved, the true essence of family extends beyond blood ties. Emotional bonds, mutual support, and love define family.

Don’t limit your circle to blood relations. Open yourself to meaningful relationships built on trust, respect, and love. Surround yourself with those who bring positivity and happiness into your life—this is your supportive and chosen family! 

If you need to talk to someone about your toxic family, please reach out to me here. It’s a free consultation.

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