Imposter syndrome in relationships
Imposter syndrome isn’t just for people in professional positions. Unfortunately, it can show up in other areas of your life too: Imposter syndrome in relationships, imposter syndrome when alone, or even when you’re having fun. Don’t believe me? Ever experience that thought of “You’re not good at this, stop trying” or “How are you ever going to impress him/her/them? No chance.” Talk about a fun-sucker.
No matter your relationship status – in, out, or in between – imposter syndrome will show up. Imposter syndrome is tricky that way – it doesn’t want to let you go and can be a jealous lover. After all, before this person came alone, it was “me myself and imposter syndrome.” Fortunately, there are ways to both navigate its effects and overcome it. In this article, you’ll learn about:
- How imposter syndrome shows up in relationships
- Strategies to beat imposter syndrome
- Where to find therapy for imposter syndrome
Me Myself and Imposter Syndrome
Me Myself and Imposter Syndrome is what imposter syndrome wants you to believe. That there’s no way out. That you’re stuck. And worse yet, you’re going to be found out while you’re stuck. Imposter syndrome appears in relationships quite often. Here are some examples of how imposter syndrome may show up in your relationships, romantic or otherwise:
- “I don’t deserve this person’s love/affection. They deserve so much better”
- “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t want to be with me.” Devaluing yourself but putting your partner on a pedestal.
- “I need to be perfect all the time or they’ll leave me.”
- Feeling unworthy of your partner’s affection or support.
- Difficulty accepting compliments or praise from your loved ones.
- Constantly seeking reassurance about your place in the relationship.
- Overcompensating by trying to be the “perfect” partner, friend, or family member.
- Feeling like you’re deceiving your partner by presenting a “false” version of yourself.
- Hesitating to share your true thoughts or feelings for fear of rejection.
Contrary to these thoughts, you are a person that deserves love and it is okay to make mistakes. Unfortunately, people have negative experiences during their life that reinforce the above beliefs, thoughts, and fears. This may have happened in childhood, or as an adult. Regardless of when, there is hope when imposter syndrome comes knocking.
How to beat imposter syndrome
If you recognize these thoughts and feelings in yourself, here are some strategies to help overcome imposter syndrome:
Acknowledge your feelings
Recognize that imposter syndrome, though a common experience, doesn’t reflect reality.
Stop negative self-talk
When you catch yourself thinking “I’m a fraud,” pause and ask, “Is there evidence to support this thought?” Send that thought to court and put it on trial.
Spoiler alert: There’s rarely ever supporting evidence. You are not a fraud.
Keep a “wins” jar/journal
Document your accomplishments, positive feedback, and successes—no matter how small— and refer back to it when doubt creeps in.
To do the jar bit, you can write a win on a small paper, roll it over and throw it into a jar. When in doubt, dip your hand in the jar and randomly pick any paper. Read it and remind yourself that you’ve been doing great stuff for a while. You’re not a one-hit wonder.
Have a growth mindset
View mistakes as chances to grow rather than proof of incompetence. Document your successes and keep them in a visible place. Write down what it took to get there. Was it creativity? Compassion? Interest in the other person? While you may not know all the answers, writing down some possibilities can help you feel empowered for the next relationship opportunity.
Practice self-compassion
This is a tricky one with imposter syndrome, particularly because you’re spending most of your time guilt-tripping yourself or undermining yourself. Celebrating the simple wins can help you to begin to ward off these negative statements. Something as simple as “I smiled at them/him/her” or “I had a brief conversation” can help. Small things count. Small things, often count too.
Provo therapist
Happy Valley isn’t always as happy as you may think. In fact, so many people are hard on themselves and self-critical. All is not lost, however. Overcoming imposter syndrome takes time and consistency. After all, you’re learning a new way to think!
Be patient with yourself as you work through these feelings. Be attentive enough to recognize expressions of imposter syndrome in personal contexts. This will help you address your doubts head-on.
Feeling like an imposter doesn’t mean you are one. Your achievements are real, your skills are valuable, and you deserve the success and love you’ve earned.
Still having trouble? Schedule a consultation and let’s talk about what is going on. It’s time to get you to feeling better and more confident!
