Therapy for Life Transitions
The US Elections are scheduled to begin in November. For many people, there’s quite simply no worse time for that to happen. It’s the same month as Thanksgiving, and you know what that means — more combustible material gets added to the highly flammable setting that is a family get-together. All this is assuming you get through Labor Day unscathed. The idea of this for some people makes them wonder if they need individual therapy for relationship in their life.
Hard as it seems, it is not impossible to have a peaceful family gathering. All it takes is some planning, a bit more tolerance and a perfect understanding of when to get up to do the dishes. In this piece, I’ll share 9 straightforward ways (and a few creative ones) to survive family tensions during Thanksgiving or any other holiday.
9 Mental Maintenance Strategies for Surviving Family During the Holidays
1. Set the ground rules early
Before the big day, reach out to influential family members and deftly establish friendly guidelines.
Suggest a politics or religion (or any other divisive topic) “free zone” for the gathering. Emphasize that the focus should be on gratitude and togetherness.
You might even propose a lighthearted “swear jar” system where anyone who brings up contentious topics has to contribute a dollar (or do an extra chore).
2.Bring up engaging activities
Nothing diffuses tension like a shared experience. But experiences like that don’t create themselves, so you need to be more hands-on.
Organize some fun, inclusive activities that can involve everyone. Consider a family-friendly board game tournament, a group cooking challenge, or a trip to a cool spot. These activities provide a distraction and create new, positive memories.
3. Stir up positive emotions
Nothing stirs up positivity like a gratitude ritual.
Once everyone is gathered, encourage everyone to share something they’re thankful for. Thanksgiving is a natural fit for this ritual but it can (and should) be done at any other family gathering.
This simple practice can shift the focus from differences to shared blessings, fostering a more harmonious atmosphere.
4. Choose the meeting ground
If you have any say on the location of the meeting place, choose somewhere comfortable for you.
Many people recommend bringing the party to your home, and I agree. Your house, your rules.
However, you can pick anywhere else if that’s not a good option. For example, you may consider having dinner at a crowded restaurant. Everyone selects who they sit beside. The noise takes the sting out of conversations that’d be awkward if raised in a quiet setting.
There’s no perfect bar to scale when choosing a meeting ground that’ll protect the peace. Do what works for you and your family.
5. Carry a piece of your peaceful life
Family gatherings sometimes make us feel like we’ve entered a time machine and been booted back to childhood.
Combat this by bringing personal “anchors” that remind you of your adult life and achievements. A photo of your home, a professional memento, or a meaningful jewelry piece can be powerful reminders of your current identity.
Keep these items in your personal space and glance at them when family dynamics overwhelm you. This simple technique helps maintain perspective, reminding you that while family is important, it doesn’t define your entire identity.
You’re still highly rated among your colleagues as the best bowler on any given Saturday night!
6. Control only what you can — your reaction
When a family member pushes your buttons or crosses a line, it’s natural to want to push back. The urge to set them straight can be overwhelming, but resist it.
Here’s why:
Responding aggressively often backfires. It validates their approach and draws you into a conflict on their terms. Remember, you can’t control others’ behavior but have full command over your responses.
Instead of trying to silence the provocateur, focus on managing your reaction.
Take a deep breath and pause before responding. Calmly state that you’d prefer not to discuss that topic. If needed, redirect the conversation to a neutral subject.
Should the situation escalate, it’s okay to excuse yourself politely.
7. Know when to escape
Sometimes, the best way to handle tension is to briefly remove yourself from the situation.
Volunteer for tasks that take you out of the main gathering area — offering to run to the store for last-minute items, taking the dog for a walk, or, yes, doing those dishes.
8. Delay confrontational reaction
Avoiding tense situations and keeping the peace is great advice, but it’s never easy to follow. Sometimes, the urge to communicate assertively is too much to resist. That’s natural, and I’m not going to tell you to let it slide altogether.
In cases where a reaction is necessary (and justified), do so but not in the moment. The immediacy of your response might affect your composure, causing you to say hurtful things that you might regret later.
Instead, walk away, gather your thoughts and communicate them a day or a few hours later. You’ll find that you’re more composed and able to communicate your thoughts clearly that way.
9. Be positive. Rose-tinted glasses all the way!
At the end of the day, remember why you’re all together. Despite differences, there’s love and history that binds your family.
Focus on each person’s positive aspects and the joy of being together, especially after potentially long periods apart.
To peaceful family hangouts!
When all is said and done, family gatherings aren’t about surviving tensions—it’s about creating moments of joy and connection despite the challenges.
Whether you’re frantically cooking up peace-inspired rituals or skillfully getting everyone to accept to show up where you want, your family remains important to you. Even with all that drama, there’s love too.
These strategies give you everything you need to survive family tensions and maybe mend a fence, or three. You might even find yourself looking forward to next year’s gathering.
And if all else fails, remember: there’s always pie — lots and lots of pie, or turkey, or whatever your family is into.
Individual Therapy for Relationship
Need some help?
If you’re unsure of how to implement these strategies or badly struggling with the anxiety that these get-togethers bring, feel free to reach out to us at BridgeHope Family Therapy.
Let’s discuss what’s going on.
